MATT WAUTER'S ARTICLE IGNITES RAGE IN MAN, ROLLING STONES TO PLAY SHOW WITHOUT KEITH RICHARDS (FINALLY)

"I like to play with bunnies. You smell like sulfur." - Dick Clark

After hearing about the latest tragedy, Matt Wauters decided to tell the truth for a change.

Unfortunately this got his head kicked in like a gym teacher hyped up on steroids beyond which he can't control his own liver functions, causing violent chaos to ensue with gun powder strapped to everyone's backs. He holds the lighter.

One man in particular seems to hold a particular grudge against particular Wauters.

"I told him that we are splitting his lung in two, New York is splitting his lung in two, and America is spliting his lung in five," Bebop Medusa Cabbage reported to TOA press. Unfortunately no one actually heard him speak since we was just some strange englishman wondering the streets of Manhattan, giving penile pleasures for the reward of maple syrup.

Brown LSD he calls it.

This being the cause of his anger as Log Cabin recently stated that they are no longer including: bat fungus, fly corpses, termite pornography, squirrel families inside all of their products. Hearing of this tragedy was covered up by his family's death, whom of which he has no real clue who they are.

Sort of like "While You Were Sleeping" but "While You Were Burning Alive My Eggo Sucked Ass."

A funeral scheduled for Monday is the plot point at which Bebop makes his move.

And he waits, like a bandit rook. Shaking with tree piss. His blind/deaf/mute neighbor sits with him as well and chokes a rat.

"Sh...fh....jfks....gjglkeg...bnm.....ZZZZ.....honk.......afsd..v.ow4.v.xcvz....vzmxcv..." - Bebop Medusa Cabbage's Neighbor's Rat in his Hand

Police reported they will get to the bottom of the case. Ex-NASCAR Mayor Michael Vroom Blerg said the city also had offered financial and sexual justic to the families in the aftermath. Brought to you by the city's deadliest blaze since 87 people were killed by an arson fire inside the Happy Land social club in 1002 BC.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Guess which one's the mayor. No it's not Steve Carrel-....what the hell?

Ryan Metcalf