ARMY FORCED INTO GAY-ISM

"Just like the civil war, I'm bleeding enourmously from my rectum." - Judi Dench

Reporters then found Judi dead in some ditch in Los Angeles a week later, news officials claim that crowds rejoiced and many parties with half-naked sororities and fraternities took place in nearly every apartment across the city. If that wasn't enough, the funeral was basically one giant mosh pit at a Tool concert. Same people, same band.

The top U.S. military officer, Gen. Peter Piper Package, said Tuesday he should have focused more on military policy and less on his own opinion when he told a newspaper homosexual acts are "fantastically delicious, let's give you a perm!"

TOA female news anchor, Aie B. Seedy, tells us that male homosexuality is the biggest turn off of this century or the next due to their impecable taste in fashion, hairstyle, grooming, interior design, cooking, manicures, masseuse art, art history, art design, art appreciation, art theory, U.S. art, world art and intergalactic / universe art. Mars is his least favorite and planet XuBi-DD-Cron 448-3.2 is his most favorite.

This is appalling of course, I know for a fact women love homosexuals.

The fact she was with Tom, transformed her into gay. Like a crime, she became L-BO bi-assocation (real term on Wikipedia). Just like chicken pox.

But what she isn't telling you is, what her real fantasy is:

"I wanna be a mexican firehydrant ballerina wannabe, so I can fling up my dress and land in a pool of giant, whale women with their tongues forming a closed up umbrella and when I land they all push the button and-" -Katie Holmes

Immediately Katie fell to the floor in a complex seizure and woke up about 30 minutes later, biting her lip and dreaming of: Judi Dench.

Of course it's not up to Katie to decide her gayness.

It's up to the judicial system. And to be in the system you must have had sexual and political history with... Samwell.