GOVERNMENT TO CONSTRUCT GALACTIC HIGHWAY TO RETRIEVE NOW-INTERGALACTIC TRANSPORT.

"I was just sitting around, when all of the sudden, I was sucked up in the clouds... like some sort of ant eater sucking up some 3-legged ant slave doomed to work in the mines until the queen ate me. " - Hilary Swank

It was in Ohio today that a bus full of thieves from Massechusettes, a breeding ground for all criminals, spontaneously drifted to the right side of the road. This seemed to happen at the exact time of another tragedy, but not as tragic as this.

Some believe that space travel can be spontaneously initiated. National Transportation Hazard Board Member Kittenz Huggals tells us, "If you can wire seaphorium to the back of a bike, make it go 88.3 MPH, not only will you go into space but time travel will also-" she then gagged on her own vomit. We're not sure what she was attempting to tell us in an interivew, but we suspect only more to come from this event.

I took time to investigate this matter with an old pal, Tony Danza. Something told me that he knew, that he somehow knew about the bus event.

"Well, let me ask you this Ryan, have you ever had to stay at home while your wife was away, hijack a bus for your own children so they could ride to school and then attempt to thumb wrestle every homeless man along the way for their own pocket change? Irony can't express my anger towards gravity. That son of a bitch."

It was then that a meteor struck his head and he fell on the ground. As I watched, I noticed his blood spewing out - it was yellow. Tony Danza was an insect, with 4 appendages instead of the known 6, at least, and something threw this case wide open. As he crumbuled up like a spider now dead and turning a withered-brown shell like object about to be blown away like some sort of tumbleweed, something came to me.

The wind blowing his shreds away made it evident that gravity can take what it will - like a fisherman catching a type of monstruous octopus bent on destroying every ship known to man. It sucked it right up out of the northern hemisphere and did its way with the people inside.

Yet this issue is still largely debated amongst people, like Monsieur Calvinette Mosstrois, commander of special operations for French police. "Sometimes de bus may actshually, cough. It may uh, spill itself so rapidly that it may, how you say, thrust itself in millions of cheese propellers up into water purple... uh... ice creame? Sex."

 

 

 

 

Buses can fart.

Ryan Metcalf