GIANT REPTILE CHECKS DAILY E-MAIL, ORDERS VIAGRA, ENTERS CONTEST TO WIN IPHONE BUT DOESN'T HAVE CREDIT CARD.

"Spam is part of the fruit group, so why not cut it up and make smoothies out of it?" - Hillary Clinton

After a 90,000-mile trip from the bottom of the Antarctic Ocean, stopping and asking for directions, making many wrong turns by listening to other girl reptilians, famous lizard Godzilla made an appearance in Guam today after reading various e-mails on enlarging a certain green member (that is about the size of the Sears tower when he's really going).

"First urge will be to rip your clothes off," Guam Air Force Capt. Colleti Shiptinez said to other reporters as she was performing a strip dance. But this was not any ordinary strip dance. The problem was, she was not exactly that great of a looker.

Playboy reports that it was Miss February, 1938, Bertha DeForme D., who woke up from the dead and somehow made residence in Guam as an Air Force Captain. It wasn't a pretty sight for the next few hours when the giant reptile was lured by her - characteristics.

She knew how to play the bagpipes. No, really, she couldn't stop playing Amazing Grace if we threw a brick at her teeth... which would do nothing.

But this is not a case of love between a woman and one pissed off water dragon about to shoot lighting from its nostrils killing citizens of Tokyo... This is a tale of security threats.

If you have seen the Apple commercials advertising Mac, their competitor is the stinky Windows platform made by Microsoft. Many users have found issues in the new Windows Vista operating system according to TOA sources.

"I want to make the next Eifel Tower. Then, I want to stand at the top, and pee as I normally would into the wind. Then the wind would carry my golden nectar and form into a piss rain cloud over the pacific seaboard, thus forming a rebel typhoon headed toward the arctic ocean and then it eats itself due to starvation." - Bill Gates

So what. Godzilla found a bunch of porn on his computer in Outlook. Big deal. You think a meteor is someday going to check up on his latest RSS feeds and get pissed off when he sees Colts win Super Bowl XLI?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Although, Prince did do the halftime show...

Ryan Metcalf