AMERICA SUMMONS 50-FOOT GORILLA, CANADA PISSED OFF BUT DOES NOTHING... LIKE THAT'S ANYTHING NEW.

"Really, my butt looks amazing. If you could paint it, it would look like Rembrandt. No really, throw paint all over it, you dirty janitor. " - Tupac Shakur

Remember the old days with Super Mario Bros. 3? Forget them. Toss them away like today's garbage, because the United States of America recently passed a new gay-ass law, approving of Bitchcraft.

Bitches have existed in society since primitive times. As man woke up out of his cave and was scared away by a pesky hot cave girl who never got her mustard with her Lite Happy Meal (50 calories). Hurling up the leftovers from the morning, the primitive woman scours along the day receiving a tan, learning complete zilch, talks about how gay her 9th date will be that same night and looks in a mirror and gets pissed at the woman in Abercrombie & Fitch who told her she would look sexy in it.

We all know her.

We've all seen her.

She sheds her skin constantly. Way more than a snake. A daily ritual is coneived so that her skin is made out of the latest boar feces and that her hair is peed on by grifty camels nearby.

This retard skank also ate your binoculars. Yes, those you spent hundreds on because they shot in HD video and recorded your latest findings in the amazon. But no, your chances for fame...

Are ruined.

But that's okay, congress assures us:

"It's been quite a long time since we've seen a bitch trial in this country. Someone perform splene surgery on me, now." - U.S. Congress speaking simultaneously, at the same time, all together, with each other

What about the little man? Does no one feel sympathy for him? TOA News Reporter, Ima P. Irate, discussed with us the concept that the moon may be made out of chocolate cake with a shot of vinegar.

"Violets are red,
Roses are blue,
Canadian bacon,
I peeled a shoe.

Like a potato. Toe!!!!!!!"

Ima never went to school, nor did he ever really learn how to speak English. But like all authors, he released a book anyway and that was page 11 out of 90,022 that New York Times says is the most admirable book on Marine Biology to date. Pulitzer prize is imminent. We never saw him again, because he turned into a scorpion and was stepped on by a milk man.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No that's not me.

Ryan Metcalf