RIOT IN CHICAGO, 13 MILLION DEAD, GOOGLE BUYS KITTY LITTER FACTORY.

"To be, or not to be? If you'll excuse me, I have to go shoot some H and walk my rhino." - Justin Timberlake

I've had enough. Cell phones really are out of hand. I walk outside and I can see about 3/4 of the population has one. Sure they're talking to their FRIEND, but THEY WILL NEVER GET ANOTHER FRIEND. What's worse is if they're talking to someone else who is also walking to an adult bookstore.

So from this day forward, it will always be easy to blame cell phones for anything we do wrong. "Sorry I'm late for work, my cell phone alarm didn't go off, it was on vibrate," he'll say. "Mr. President, the national address has been on for 30 minutes."

It took him 1 more hour to understand what was going on as his eyes became dilated. Anywho! At the fight last night, there was a whopping total of 257 rounds. It said that at round 68, the cell phones started bleeding and by round 186 they ran out of it.

One of the referees, Randy Savage, told us of a move that Verizon pulled on Cingular in round 256.

"Here comes the kinky red neck, purple tongue titty twister, back flip pelvis landing on groin cartilage, pulverizing razor rectum harpoon drill hole, and he's only doing it with his ribs!" - Randy Savage

People thought this was the end, but at the last second Cingular drew out Pandora's box and oepned it. Black plague spreaded everywhere in the arena. Somehow TOA reporters escaped while everyone else vomited on each other, causing more vomit to be vomited, then that vomit was swallowed vomited out onto other vomit which was used to supply those without nutrients to eat who then vomited on vomit that was vomited vomit from other vomiters, who then ate vomit, choked on it, then vomited more, then dying by vomiting out of their belly button.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don't drink bleach. Wait, on second thought...

Ryan Metcalf