FIRE IN THE BRONX AND SUBSEQUENT BEAST ATTACKS CLAIM 9 LIVES.

"Don't worry about the horse being blind, just load the wagon." - Calista Flockheart

Nine people died in a fire in the Bronx.  A woman trapped in a Bronx apartment fire threw children from an upper story window in an effort to save them.  Understandibly, 8 of the 9 victims in the apartment fire were children.

After the children were thrown a Gryphon flew from the sky and rescued them from their impending deaths.  Unfortunately, the children met a much more painful doom when the Gryphon brought them back to its nest to feed them to their young.  Meanwhile, the Lochness monster and the Abominable Snowman are still fake, but for the purpose of this article they are real, and they also terrorized the Bronx.

Venom, who usually wears a suit ranging from blue to black, finally got spiderman and killed him today.

"It would've been a non-fatal fire if the woman hadn't thrown children out the window." - A blind fireman named Waldo

So remember, don't throw children out windows in fires. And keep in mind, this reporter has no idea what a pun is.

So, die in a fire, or die by mytholigical bird beasts...I think we all get the pun of that statement.

And that pretty much sums up this story.

I died in a fire so unfortunately that raps this story up and I regretably announce I can no longer write for TOA because I died in a fire.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Matt Wauters
(I'm dead yet I reported this, 1984-2007)